Dude. It's real. It's really freakin real.
On 43rd and 5th lays a juicy, medium well chunk of my childhood nestled between two buns, lettuce, tomatoes, and onions.
As minstrel as they may be, I kinda miss Kenan and Kel.
CAN I TAKE YOUR ORDER!?!?!?!
Dude. It's real. It's really freakin real.
On 43rd and 5th lays a juicy, medium well chunk of my childhood nestled between two buns, lettuce, tomatoes, and onions.
As minstrel as they may be, I kinda miss Kenan and Kel.
NY CITY COUNCIL PASSES 30% RESOLUTION!
Earlier this summer, Speaker Quinn and Councilwoman Rosie Mendez crafted a resolution to urge Albany to pass the 30% Rent Cap Bill for low-income New Yorkers living with HIV/AIDS. On Wednesday, Sept. 30th, Quinn and Councilwoman Annabel Palma (from the BX) joined NYCAHN members and leaders on the steps of City Hall for our press conference around the Resolution, which was voted on later that day. The Resolution passed UNANIMOUSLY at 3:20pm in the Council Chambers.
Speaker Silver? Governor Paterson? WHAT'S GOOD?!?!?!?!!?
This is NOT a matter of budget, of cost, of anything that the Assembly is claiming makes this bill disadvantageous to pass. This bill is life or death for 11,000 low-income New Yorkers paying 60-80% of their income towards their rent.
SAY WHAT? A BLACK BARBIE THAT AIN'T LIL' KIM???
Look what new good ass hair the wind blew in...ON A BLACK BARBIE. Several of 'em, in fact.
If I must take it back to '95, I recall getting a baby doll who was pretty similar in idea to this Mattel one named...uhhhh...KENYA?
The most exciting pieces about Kenya dolls were:
Aside from the fact that most of these dolls look EXACTLY like Tyra Banks, I guess I am overjoyed that I don't have to--as much--see these blonde biddies subconsciously damaging my little sistah's minds, having them scream "bad hair" and "bootyscratcher" before they lose their two front teeth. Or maybe the Aqua Curl will do that for them anyway.
If I must take it back to '95, I recall getting a baby doll who was pretty similar in idea to this Mattel one named...uhhhh...KENYA?
The most exciting pieces about Kenya dolls were:
- there were three shades of her to choose from, if you were light, medium, or dark-skinned
- you could choose to keep her hair curly, or use a lotion to make it straight
- SHE WORE KINTE CLOTH. OUR ROOTS WERE FINALLY ACKNOWLEDGED ON A DOLL.
Aside from the fact that most of these dolls look EXACTLY like Tyra Banks, I guess I am overjoyed that I don't have to--as much--see these blonde biddies subconsciously damaging my little sistah's minds, having them scream "bad hair" and "bootyscratcher" before they lose their two front teeth. Or maybe the Aqua Curl will do that for them anyway.
PLEASE, PUT DOWN THE CORK, PART 1.
My revamp requires that I start up some themes. PLEASE, PUT DOWN THE CORK will highlight some of my favorite moments in coonisms, which DEMAND to be discussed in such a "post-racist" society.
The first in this series is one that pretty much turned my own heart into burnt cork:
(Sigh) Where in Beulah's name do I begin.
The self-proclaimed "black conservative" wouldn't have been much trouble for me, aside from the fact that we're the SAME DAMN COMPLEXION. It would've been swell if he were from, say, LA, say, Bumblefuck, Alabama, but this muthafucka had the AUDACITY to be from MY hood, B-More. And he may have even grown up in the SAME fucking housing project that my grandmother raised her children in. (I mean, there were only four highrises. It's worth a chance.) Why don't you take a look for yourselves, if you can bear it through the 9 minutes of absolute self-hatred stemming from his big ass lips. I, myself, slammed my computer screen after 2:46.
See, this cut me SO deep I was on my NY OIL shit, "Fuck him, HE SHOULD BE LYNCHED". I am no longer deeply offended by the likes of the O'Reilly's, the Hannity's, or whoever the fuck FOX News is championing. But when it's OUR faces attached, WITH our consent, and he's BLATANTLY being the fucking puppet with whitey's hand up his ass, mouthing their words as his OWN, then I got a serrrrious problem.
The only thing that's gon' take this negro out of this mindset is a beatdown or a bullet.
If y'all can still bear it, peep this "2010" song he sang at this lynch mob of a rally against Obama:
He might actually have enough coon in him for the next THREE "PLEASE, PUT DOWN THE CORK's."
The first in this series is one that pretty much turned my own heart into burnt cork:
LLOYD MARCUS.
(Sigh) Where in Beulah's name do I begin.
The self-proclaimed "black conservative" wouldn't have been much trouble for me, aside from the fact that we're the SAME DAMN COMPLEXION. It would've been swell if he were from, say, LA, say, Bumblefuck, Alabama, but this muthafucka had the AUDACITY to be from MY hood, B-More. And he may have even grown up in the SAME fucking housing project that my grandmother raised her children in. (I mean, there were only four highrises. It's worth a chance.) Why don't you take a look for yourselves, if you can bear it through the 9 minutes of absolute self-hatred stemming from his big ass lips. I, myself, slammed my computer screen after 2:46.
See, this cut me SO deep I was on my NY OIL shit, "Fuck him, HE SHOULD BE LYNCHED". I am no longer deeply offended by the likes of the O'Reilly's, the Hannity's, or whoever the fuck FOX News is championing. But when it's OUR faces attached, WITH our consent, and he's BLATANTLY being the fucking puppet with whitey's hand up his ass, mouthing their words as his OWN, then I got a serrrrious problem.
The only thing that's gon' take this negro out of this mindset is a beatdown or a bullet.
If y'all can still bear it, peep this "2010" song he sang at this lynch mob of a rally against Obama:
He might actually have enough coon in him for the next THREE "PLEASE, PUT DOWN THE CORK's."
FOR ALL THOSE BORN AFTER 1980...
In my recent purchasing of my "Soul Glo" t-shirt, I decided to do some diggin' beyond Coming to America for the inventor of the Jheri Curl. Just who was this muthafucka that had everybody from my mom, to my grandmom, to my uncle's ex-wife who STILL got Care Free Curl swingin down her neck, lookin greeeeasy as all hell, callin it the style?
The first damn guy who thought it was a smart idea to put vitamins and minerals in hair products. The guy who created Nexxus (Nature and Earth United With Science, LOL) hair products, which became a second nature product to me, since they lived in my grandma's bathroom cabinet. The first guy to make pH balanced shampoos. You gotta wonder, did he ever use his own products????
And we thought Madame CJ had our backs.
Where's the Bronner Bros. when u need 'em?
R.I.P. Jheri Redding, your essence can be found on aging plastic-covered couches in black households everywhere. And on my uncle's ex-wife's pillowcase from last nite.
JHERI REDDING.
The first damn guy who thought it was a smart idea to put vitamins and minerals in hair products. The guy who created Nexxus (Nature and Earth United With Science, LOL) hair products, which became a second nature product to me, since they lived in my grandma's bathroom cabinet. The first guy to make pH balanced shampoos. You gotta wonder, did he ever use his own products????
And we thought Madame CJ had our backs.
Where's the Bronner Bros. when u need 'em?
R.I.P. Jheri Redding, your essence can be found on aging plastic-covered couches in black households everywhere. And on my uncle's ex-wife's pillowcase from last nite.
LMAO OF THE MOMENT: Mos Def, Yeezee, & Jay Leno
So uhhhh. Let's start here.
Unlike most folks, i literally LAUGHED MY ASS OFF with my friends around the TV screen watching the VMAs when Kanye snatched the mic right out of Taylor Swift's transparently white hands as he proclaimed, "BEYONCE HAD THE GREATEST VIDEO OF ALL TIME." Cuz honestly, I didn't think her ass should've won either. I later did my wiki research and realized that she actually sold 4 million records. I'm doubly out of touch--my almost 22 yrs makes me 6 yrs removed from the pulse of youth, and I damn sure don't listen to country, so I wouldn't know. Maybe it was her moment, her first to really shine, but my black bmore ass didn't really give a shit when I saw who she was up against. Now saying B's video is the GOAT may be a stretch, but damn did that set the precedent for the VMAs, even with the steady slope of respect that they have as an award show nowadays.
But of course, they kicked his black ass out, and his glow in the dark girlfriend, for committing the ultimate crime of the Big Black Bad Wolf and Little Red Riding Hood. The Bear vs. Goldilocks. Savage vs. Eva. U kno the history. Like I expected, they were gonna rip him a new asshole, and maybe even lose a lot of his white fanbase. But alas, I'm speculating here, though history shows a negro's place in the spotlite is REEEEEAL fragile and short lived when u start fuckin w/ Whitey.
Then, you have Mighty Mos coming to the rescue in the most BK way possible after watching Jay Leno ask Kanye the only question that could bring him to his knees: "What would your mother think?" OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH. Damn Jay, did u REALLY have to go there? I mean, he didn't slap the girl or do anything physically or even mentally harmful. Mos replies,
"And Jay Leno, with your banana boat face having ass, you need to apologize to Kanye West for having him with his mother [would say], what she would think, she would think she'd need to smack your fucking banana face having ass face off for trying to be slick."
L M A OFF. Couldn't have been said more eloquently.
Stay tuned for more visions of my mind. Gotta get back to work.
Holluh,
UniQ.
Unlike most folks, i literally LAUGHED MY ASS OFF with my friends around the TV screen watching the VMAs when Kanye snatched the mic right out of Taylor Swift's transparently white hands as he proclaimed, "BEYONCE HAD THE GREATEST VIDEO OF ALL TIME." Cuz honestly, I didn't think her ass should've won either. I later did my wiki research and realized that she actually sold 4 million records. I'm doubly out of touch--my almost 22 yrs makes me 6 yrs removed from the pulse of youth, and I damn sure don't listen to country, so I wouldn't know. Maybe it was her moment, her first to really shine, but my black bmore ass didn't really give a shit when I saw who she was up against. Now saying B's video is the GOAT may be a stretch, but damn did that set the precedent for the VMAs, even with the steady slope of respect that they have as an award show nowadays.
But of course, they kicked his black ass out, and his glow in the dark girlfriend, for committing the ultimate crime of the Big Black Bad Wolf and Little Red Riding Hood. The Bear vs. Goldilocks. Savage vs. Eva. U kno the history. Like I expected, they were gonna rip him a new asshole, and maybe even lose a lot of his white fanbase. But alas, I'm speculating here, though history shows a negro's place in the spotlite is REEEEEAL fragile and short lived when u start fuckin w/ Whitey.
Then, you have Mighty Mos coming to the rescue in the most BK way possible after watching Jay Leno ask Kanye the only question that could bring him to his knees: "What would your mother think?" OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH. Damn Jay, did u REALLY have to go there? I mean, he didn't slap the girl or do anything physically or even mentally harmful. Mos replies,
"And Jay Leno, with your banana boat face having ass, you need to apologize to Kanye West for having him with his mother [would say], what she would think, she would think she'd need to smack your fucking banana face having ass face off for trying to be slick."
L M A OFF. Couldn't have been said more eloquently.
Stay tuned for more visions of my mind. Gotta get back to work.
Holluh,
UniQ.
PS. NOT TO MENTION THE NEW CUTZ...
so, my official "dyke in nyc" hairstyle is on. like many others, i did the daunting task of getting a frohawk (my girlfriend gave me shit for appropriating the style, which i deserved...but also refuted with black girl entitlement that "i just like the way it looks").
as i arrived...ya might've caught me around town with this, aka the "twist and shout":
or maybe even this, the nappy fro:
then, i got bored. and now, i'm gettin all these strange stares, as if half of the pop in nyc doesn't already have a mo/frohawk of some sort:
annnd the other side, FRESSSHHHHH (for those who arent astrofreaks like myself, that's the symbol for sagittarius. ain't it obvious that i'm one?)
and these are the only pics you'll ever see of me up here.
ta-ta for now...
SHOUTOUT TO KHANE KUTZWELL FOR THE HOOKUP!!!! If u're in BK and need sum designs (and are queer, real talk), y'all needa go see about him!!!!!
SHOUTOUT TO KHANE KUTZWELL FOR THE HOOKUP!!!! If u're in BK and need sum designs (and are queer, real talk), y'all needa go see about him!!!!!
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