SAY WHAT? A BLACK BARBIE THAT AIN'T LIL' KIM??? Says Uni Q. Mical , Wednesday, September 30, 2009 at 1:14 AM, in Labels: barbie, black, generation, kenya, lotion, mattel

Look what new good ass hair the wind blew in...ON A BLACK BARBIE. Several of 'em, in fact.


If I must take it back to '95, I recall getting a baby doll who was pretty similar in idea to this Mattel one named...uhhhh...KENYA?


The most exciting pieces about Kenya dolls were:

• there were three shades of her to choose from, if you were light, medium, or dark-skinned
• you could choose to keep her hair curly, or use a lotion to make it straight
• SHE WORE KINTE CLOTH. OUR ROOTS WERE FINALLY ACKNOWLEDGED ON A DOLL.

Now, you have Mattel's ripoff ass thinking they're reeeeally making strides for Generation Z'ers, the generation we most have to worry about in the areas of music, fashion, television, and dilution of black culture altogether. These dolls have fuller lips, a wider nose, but have somehow maintained those green, hazel, and blue eyes. They even have "semi-ethnic" names like Kianna, Trichelle, and Janessa, and an AQUA CURL lotion, where little girls can straighten their hair. Much like Kenya dolls, they too come in different shades.

Aside from the fact that most of these dolls look EXACTLY like Tyra Banks, I guess I am overjoyed that I don't have to--as much--see these blonde biddies subconsciously damaging my little sistah's minds, having them scream "bad hair" and "bootyscratcher" before they lose their two front teeth. Or maybe the Aqua Curl will do that for them anyway.

PLEASE, PUT DOWN THE CORK, PART 1. Says Uni Q. Mical , at 12:52 AM, in Labels: black, conservative, coon, lloyd marcus, obama

My revamp requires that I start up some themes. PLEASE, PUT DOWN THE CORK will highlight some of my favorite moments in coonisms, which DEMAND to be discussed in such a "post-racist" society.

The first in this series is one that pretty much turned my own heart into burnt cork:

LLOYD MARCUS.

(Sigh) Where in Beulah's name do I begin.

The self-proclaimed "black conservative" wouldn't have been much trouble for me, aside from the fact that we're the SAME DAMN COMPLEXION. It would've been swell if he were from, say, LA, say, Bumblefuck, Alabama, but this muthafucka had the AUDACITY to be from MY hood, B-More. And he may have even grown up in the SAME fucking housing project that my grandmother raised her children in. (I mean, there were only four highrises. It's worth a chance.) Why don't you take a look for yourselves, if you can bear it through the 9 minutes of absolute self-hatred stemming from his big ass lips. I, myself, slammed my computer screen after 2:46.



See, this cut me SO deep I was on my NY OIL shit, "Fuck him, HE SHOULD BE LYNCHED". I am no longer deeply offended by the likes of the O'Reilly's, the Hannity's, or whoever the fuck FOX News is championing. But when it's OUR faces attached, WITH our consent, and he's BLATANTLY being the fucking puppet with whitey's hand up his ass, mouthing their words as his OWN, then I got a serrrrious problem.

The only thing that's gon' take this negro out of this mindset is a beatdown or a bullet.

If y'all can still bear it, peep this "2010" song he sang at this lynch mob of a rally against Obama:




He might actually have enough coon in him for the next THREE "PLEASE, PUT DOWN THE CORK's."

FOR ALL THOSE BORN AFTER 1980... Says Uni Q. Mical , at 12:43 AM, in Labels: 1980, black, coming to america, curl, hair, jheri, soul glo

In my recent purchasing of my "Soul Glo" t-shirt, I decided to do some diggin' beyond Coming to America for the inventor of the Jheri Curl. Just who was this muthafucka that had everybody from my mom, to my grandmom, to my uncle's ex-wife who STILL got Care Free Curl swingin down her neck, lookin greeeeasy as all hell, callin it the style?

JHERI REDDING.

The first damn guy who thought it was a smart idea to put vitamins and minerals in hair products. The guy who created Nexxus (Nature and Earth United With Science, LOL) hair products, which became a second nature product to me, since they lived in my grandma's bathroom cabinet. The first guy to make pH balanced shampoos. You gotta wonder, did he ever use his own products????

And we thought Madame CJ had our backs.

Where's the Bronner Bros. when u need 'em?

R.I.P. Jheri Redding, your essence can be found on aging plastic-covered couches in black households everywhere. And on my uncle's ex-wife's pillowcase from last nite.

Split My Black Gay Ass Down The Middle. Says Uni Q. Mical , Thursday, November 20, 2008 at 1:32 PM, in Labels: black, california, gay, huckabee, proposition 8, white people

So uhhh...I guess those "homosexuals" who voted 'no' on Proposition 8, and got a ton of hell from those blacks and latinos in California who voted 'yes'...don't deserve to marry? no?

What about if my black gay ass wanted to? is the fact that im black suddenly outweigh the fact that i'm queer? 

COME ON PEOPLE. THESE THINGS ARE NOT BLACK AND WHITE. HOW EASILY WE CAN BE SWAYED...

I decided to post this video from one of my favorite politicians, Mike Huckabee, who all of a sudden LOVES to align with us americans who "looked past race" and voted Obama...but says that the gay rights struggle for marriage is NOT equal to the civil rights struggle. Last I checked, rights were, well, RIGHTS. 

If we're really gonna talk rights and privileges, honestly, these predominantly middle class and white gay folks that are thinking about marriage don't represent me. Marriage isn't on my agenda. Lemme get some insurance, a place to live, and an inkling of a lifelong partner FIRST before i think of something so permanent. Lemme walk down the street holding hands w/ my womyn and not have to worry about gettin my head bashed in because two "dykes" don't do that shit around here. Lemme not have to deal with ignorant assholes who think all i need is some "good dick" to bring me back to "the other side." Til then, y'all can shove that marriage shit up your ass. There's bigger fish to fry in our lives.

But, for those that do wish to enjoy the same rights as heterosexual married couples, i'm right there with u. It's essential. But i fucking wish we could stop playing Oppression Olympics, or who-got-their-necks-hung-highest-from-a-tree-for demanding their rights, and really wake up and fight for ALL of us. 

Until then, these bigoted fucks will be the voices that dominate the mainstream discussion. And you'll believe eevvvvery worrrrrrd...

Study Links Teen Pregnancy To Sexy TV Shows Says Uni Q. Mical , Monday, November 3, 2008 at 1:09 PM, in Labels: black, juno, pregnancy, teen, tila tequila, tv, white people, youth of color

...Now who's dumb enough to ACTUALLY believe this shit???

Ever since the Juno blowup, Bristol an' dem, white folk just gotsta wrap their heads around why teen pregnancy rates in the US are still sky high...Reuters' author Andrew Stern got the answer:

"Exposure to some forms of entertainment is a corrupting influence on children, leading teens who watch sexy programs into early pregnancies and children who play violent video games to adopt aggressive behavior, researchers said on Monday.

In findings that covered 718 teenagers, there were 91 pregnancies. The top 10th of adolescents who watched the most sexy programing were at double the risk of becoming pregnant or causing a pregnancy compared to the 10th who watched the fewest such programs, according to the study published in the journal Pediatrics.

"Television is just one part of a teenager's media diet that helps to influence their behavior. We should also look at the roles that magazines, the Internet and music play in teens' reproductive health," Chandra said, acknowledging still other factors can influence teen sex habits.

Living in a two-parent family reduced the chances of a teen getting pregnant or causing a pregnancy. Black teenagers, and those with discipline problems, had higher risks."

REALLY????

Okay, y'all made me have 2 get academically angry black woman on this one:

It must be noted that this article is, by no means, a comprehensive explanation of the multitude of reasons behind teen pregnancy, mostly including environment, race, class, household, etc. Even these reasons must be analyzed, as blindly stating that "black teenagers and teenagers with disciplinary problems are at higher risk", as the author Andrew Stern mentions, is highly problematic. This does not explore the dire dynamics of systematic racism, poverty, and neglect that youth of color experience in these environments.

Moreover, the patriarchial gendered dynamics in these communities often force young women to believe, consciously or unconsciously, that men have the power. The lack of comprehensive sexual education in many public schools in youth of color communities, as well as sexual taboos and silence surrounding sexual activity, also contribute to the curiosity and experimentation.

So, whereas white teenagers can seemingly be harmfully influenced by television and movies to guide their sexual behavior, youth of color are scapegoated as hypersexual since birth, and this behavior is expected of them, and not seen as threatening or surprising. Nevertheless, a thorough discussion of this topic, beyond the sensationalism of television, must be had in order to understand why teenage pregnancy continues to persist in the US.

Once again, our bodies on the line, the actions that are expected of us.

So while little Sally Walker in Missouri can watch Tila Tequila and trip, fall and land on Johnny's dick, the rest of us have been rubbin on our tiddies since birth. Right?

EATING THE OTHER. Says Uni Q. Mical , Wednesday, October 29, 2008 at 12:17 PM, in Labels: beauty, black, consumption, dark meat, eating, other, woman

i went to NY this past weekend to perform at Columbia w/ my homegirl for the Latino Heritage Showcase. The topic? Color complexes. While there, it seemed EVERY public interaction gave us the reassurance that our poem was NOT in vain. i had the rude re-awakening that it's sooo hard trying to talk to white boys abt their privilege when i'm filled with so much RAGE from listening to their generalizations (those african-americans and spanish people with their 8 kids and child support)...AND dealing with being daily exotified and consumed and fetishized (hey, i LOVE dark meat!)...

WHAT'S A BLACK WOMYN TO DO????

respond with the poison. the word. 

so, here it is. one of many....eating the other. for all my survivors, my strong ones, my quiet ones, my loud ones. just living is a blessing...and a burden.

*this isnt the poem we performed, just a spark of inspiration sittin in class. more on the other piece later. 

and i’m

f  u  r  t  h  e  s  t

from your white conceptions of beauty.

 

lips been puffy since birth

to bite fruits is a blessing

the juices

keep them softened and blooming

like some tulips on Juneteenth

but don’t see me as all sweet,

cuz my expressions will school thee

jumpin off the tongue

same force as an army gun

warrior in the flesh

the casualties are historical rumps

shaking and baking

swaying hypnotic

rulers and rapings

repulsive and desired, such a brutal embracing

 

BUT I AM NOT YOUR PLAYTHING.

 

beautiful and on toppa my

natural clouds on my head got me on a knotty high

and don’t need you to validate it

not the fruit in your exotic pie

can't eat me 2 release me

cuz while the master’s sleeping

my sharpened knives are screeching

machete’d my way 2 freedom

YOUR WORST FEAR—

a chocolate womyn and her poison thoughts

independent of the gimmicks

from a system that wants me

auctioned off

unless i’m working within it

making you money while my top is off

the camera rolls

at how she flows

but that black bitch betta not ever talk

but even with that

my words scream louder than sapphire

fuckin ya flawed ideals like jezebel

telling mammy to retire

on a daily got me wired

like the streets of my city rollin

B-more in my blood, Afrika in my aorta

sick of adherin to what you told me

cuz you’re the reason i felt lonely

dark skinned & depressed

fit tighter than skin & bones

but i’ve grown 2 believe

that your history does not own me.

i’m uplifting so this brown

can drift like continents around the globe

WE

send the new memo of who we are

eres bella mama,

the stars

shine brighter on our skin

shout it until your throat is parched

give a big FUCK YOU to whoever denies our power

our past has shaped these bodies

but we must define us today for our tomorrow.

"in the magical land of youtube, racism doesn't exist" Says Uni Q. Mical , Tuesday, September 30, 2008 at 10:55 PM, in Labels: black, dancing, kid, racism, youtube

...but i've gotten some of my most VISCERAL reactions of the day just by looking at the comments UNDER the videos. i can't possibly be the only person that notices this shit is a problem.

i spend most of my day fighting off the dreadhead hippies and "post-racist" hipsters at my school for their privileged and still blatantly racist comments (your hair's so amaaaazing unique--no, lovely--no, jova? i dont know, you all look alike)...but this shit reminds me that when white folks get in the CYBER world, where they can remain anonymous enough to not get the shit kicked out of them...they wanna get gully. real gully.

so i think i might've set me up for this by typing "black kids dancing". but you know, they luhhhh us when we tappin for 'em! firstly, the pig who posted this says this about the video:

"lol ok so i don't even care anymore. maybe if you stupid ass black people wouldn't make your own damn stereotype and jump to conclusions about other people bein "racist" towards you than we wouldn't have so much fuss about it. and really all the comments typed out in like black people language aren't doing you any good, i can't undertand you and neither can anyone else. have the common courtesy to argue your point with some real words."

and the peanut gallery speaks:

ignoramos

Do you know how to keep a nigger from drowning? Lift your foot of the back of its head...

mrsunderwood7

I wish you would come to my town saying nigger. We have something waiting for you and ya family. After its over we will see who goes home to their family that night. Ill tell you now you wouldnt be going home. But we will give your family money to help out with the cost.

ignoramos

Now why in the hell would I ever want to go into the projects...You are one retarded shitskin...
NObama 08

mrsunderwood7

I dont live in the projects "SHITSKIN" no how on our street is worth less than $250,000.00 you do the math. Our community is rich but we will still crack a head open fool!!

ignoramos

"no how on our street" What the fuck is that liverlips... And just so you know, you niggers are shitskins you dumb fuck...

...and honestly, i wouldnt even BEGIN to stereotype their kind as some redneck southerners. they're living right next door to you, going to school with you, and can go home to their affluent, comfortable, sparkling white abodes.

AND, the finale for me. i thought i was gonna be "colorblind" and just type "funny kids"...the fucking crowd went wild.



now while i know this evokes the deep-seated love and compassion america has for the exaggeratedly black and unkempt pick-a-ninny, getting devoured by alligators, standing alongside alfalfa shouting "ohhhh-taaaaay!!!!" you'd think we were soooooo over this type of racism, right? WRONG. and disregard the fact that he's actually in a suit and not wearing a piece of savage cloth.

come on y'all, you GOTTA love this shit:

ognimoddd

THIS KID IS SO BLACK OMFG NEEGROUH

omg man i need some duck tape,a bannana,and vasoline.lol

fucking ugly kid! thats all

pixelsword

The racists are just jealous because at age five, that kid will already have a bigger penis than them.

MTLYOUTH

stop da hate against dat nigga yallz
cuz he might steal your bicycle

sloth11223344

happylobe........u,one dumb mother fucker!!!!!fucking fagget,ur noone to juge me!!!!go get fucked by a big black guy named tank

robertobobedd

What is it?? Is it an animal?? :)
Ohhh yhea is a Monkey.

(i'm not racist, i voted for obama. this country's not racist, a black man's running for president...racism is a social construct...affirmative action--isn't that, like, reverse racism?...my grandfather fought in the civil war, so you owe him an apology...wu-tang's soooo awesome, yo!...oh my god my black boyfriend had the BIGGEST cock i'd ever seen!...! oh shit! lebron james on a pack of bubbilicious!)

i can't go on anymore. honestly, i don't even wanna share the same country with these muthafuckas. this the shit that makes me PERMANENTLY bitter. that makes me say, if you're white, you're racist. point. blank. period. whether the blatant, slur-filled triggering bigots, or their mean-well "i'm not racist, but..." cousins.

where IS the forum to actually have a constructive conversation about race in youtube and the like? hell, will there ever be one? especially in times when no one sees this as a major problem, or says we're being too sensitive? SINCE WHEN WAS RACISM EVER OVER FOR US TO BE SENSITIVE ABOUT IT? obviously the ones sayin this shit don't have to deal with it everyday. fuck 'em. we gotta push thru this blind ignorance.

aight, just hadda get that off my chest. now back to lookin at TLC videos.